a spontaneous new plan.

Well it’s CD4 and the last 4-5 days have been… intense.

Our plan was to wait out last cycle for our #1 donor choice to be available and then buy in bulk, ship two each month until we ran out, etc…

#1 was supposed to be available mid-feb, but it got pushed back to mid-march. I was set up on a notification list, but also checked basically daily from the beginning of March on. Wednesday last week it still said the goods were in quarantine and would be available mid-march. Thursday it said “unavailable”. So naturally I panicked. I sent an email to the bank and they apologized saying it was all sold out. When I asked how that was possible when I didn’t even receive notice it was available AND I had been compulsively checking for it and it never said available… they didn’t respond.

I was crushed. I’m still super mad about it and I’m struggling to trust this place. I skipped a cycle for no reason and they couldn’t give me an explanation at least to why this occurred.

I emailed my aunt and asked her if she was still getting the feeling #2 was the wrong one. She said she continues to have a strong reading that our genetics wouldn’t mix well. I wanted to just tell myself I don’t believe in this stuff and it’s just superstition and paranoia… but I’d be lying. My gut feels it too.

I looked at the one other profile we have saved, we’ll call him #3… he almost fits the bill, just his hair color… which I know shouldn’t really matter much, but the idea is to get as close to my wife’s credentials as possible. The other, more major issue, is that the type of sperm available for him isn’t really meant for the kind of insems we are doing… so I am not confident there either.

As I tried not to overreact (in other words, cry at work), a light bulb went off. What if we asked a friend of ours? He fits the bill… and I know we both adore him. But i remembered that Wife didn’t want to even see baby pics of our anonymous donor… so I figured actually knowing our donor would be an absolutely no chance. I sent her a text… figuring I’d just say I was kidding if she she responded negatively.

I was prepared for an absolutely not answer… but to my surprise she responded with a very enthusiastic “YES! That’s a great idea!”

Huh?

Turns out she had given this some thought already. I was floored. She was more serious about it then I was… so she went ahead and reached out to him. Meanwhile, I continued my conversation with my aunt. I asked her what she thought about us asking a friend, she replied that she was actually just about to tell me to consider it “YES YES YES”… Long story short, as I’m waiting to hear if he responded, my aunt proceeds to describe our friend & describes seeing him exactly where we live (she’s never been to my new house & doesn’t know where we moved too… so that was crazy!)… and she says the person she is seeing is the one. She asks after if I have a picture so I send her one and she says “you know what I’m going to say”… as I get a text from Wife saying our friend answered with a very enthusiastic YES ABSOLUTELY!

My aunt just says “it’s him”.

So… new plan? I guess…

A known donor… I’m so nervous. But it does feel right… Wife is meeting with him tonight to discuss the whole thing and to make sure he understands how this will work in terms of donating…

I’m worried he won’t be cool with filling a cup 3-4 days in a row each month and us just picking it up from him…

I’m worried he hasn’t considered the reality of DONATING and that he can’t have rights to our baby… I do believe he wants to do this for us and really has no interest in being a parent, but I’m worried anyway.

We need a contract… we need to move quickly, but more than likely… we’ll be skipping this cycle too. So I’m super bummed about that.

My wife is the most excited and optimistic as I’ve seen her… which makes me feel really positive about the whole thing.

I’m anxious to see how dinner goes tonight. I can’t attend as one of us had to stay with Beans. It was such short notice a sitter wasn’t possible. I have a hard time not having control of situations, so trusting Wife to do this by herself is hard too.

So that’s where things are at. In the span of about 4 hours on Friday we went from completely discouraged to a whole new plan and a brand new kind of optimism. We had family staying at our house all weekend so we never got a chance to process the whole thing together… so it’s been hard to focus and really grasp. But I know after she meets with him tonight and we have a better understanding of his willingness… we’ll get our chance to process and decide where to go from here. Nothing has been decided 100%, but I’m excited to see where this leads us. I do have a good feeling about it, despite my natural need to rationalize and be a pessimist realist.

I’ll try to update soon.

In the meantime, if any of you lovely readers have any advice on this whole ‘known donor’ process… I’d be super grateful for your input!

j

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