down to the wire.

to say today has been stressful is an understatement.
I sincerely hate when things are last minute, or so out of my control.
time is out of my control… I learned this the last time we tried, that this is what makes me the very most anxious… the fact that I don’t control time or the timing of everything lining up exactly.

I posted last time that AF showed up late, thank god it did. it pushed my anticipated O day out a few days and as it turns out, we NEEDED those few days.

we still don’t have donor-friend’s test results. didn’t find out until about an hour ago that we will have them tonight. guess when we need to start insems?

tomorrow.

so… hopefully we’ll see those results this evening and everything will be clear and it’s go time.

we decided we would aim to do insems on the 3 days leading up to O day. I should ovulate on CD13(the usual) which is 5.2 (Saturday) so that puts us at Wednesday (CD10), Thursday (CD11), Friday (CD12)… and then hopefully the O happens as it’s supposed to and it’ll be on to the waiting.

is that all TTC is?? waiting?? I feel like it’s hurry up and wait for 3 days of action and then more hurry up and wait for one day to tell you whether you are going to be waiting for a few weeks to ovulate again, or 9 months for a baby… wait wait wait.

i’m feeling especially impatient today. perhaps because everything has come down to basically 24 hours before go time and we still don’t have a clear green light.

bless our donor-friend and his ability to deal with my anxiety… I’ve made the wife text him about 150 times today… trying to figure out timing to pick up donations and finding out if he’s heard from his doctor… i’m annoying. he’s a saint, as always. so is my wife… who has every right to tell me i’m annoying & doesn’t.

despite all this and the fact that i’m sure this post sounds a bit on the negative side… I am still feeling good about things. i’m on track from what I know about myself, my ovacue gave me the read out I was expecting, and in general I feel like things are going to work out… when I step back for the big picture. i’m full of nerves & will be i’m sure until sperm is in hand tmrw… but I feel good. and excited! we just have one more hurdle to get over and that should be done in the next few hours and then i’ll be able to breathe and get ready for the ride!

cross your fingers or say a prayer for us, or whatever your good luck tricks are, that the test comes back clear!

love & baby dust
j

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3 thoughts on “down to the wire.

  1. Hurry up and wait, for sure. You’re reminding me of when our first donor flaked out on us for the final time and I called my wife in tears that it would be another month yet again. So many crazy ups and downs with all the emotions! Hope you get good news tonight!

    Liked by 1 person

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